About a week ago, God told me something very straightforward and rather shocking, which although it is personal, caused me to go through a stage of wondering and wrestling, how much do actually trust Him and His voice? Do I actually believe that he has the best for me, and can I trust what his best means?
The intellectual and often automatic answer is, "YES, of course I trust God, of course I trust his direction and leading, of course He has the best for me!" And that was my initial response, but although I was thinking those things, my nerves were telling me otherwise. I was restless and my head was full of a million different voices, filling me with doubt even though I wanted to trust Him.
Although God is always right, and as He leads me everyday and changes my heart, I realize that and wonder why I ever could have doubted--but that's not trust, at least not in my eyes. Trust is believing before the proof, believing before He changes your heart or gives you confirmation, trust is believing what He says and taking Him at his word, rather than mulling over our own alternatives in our head.
We so often know these scriptures by heart--
Proverbs 3:5-6
New International Version
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways submit to Him and He will direct your path."
and
Jeremiah 29:11
New International Version (NIV)
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Those are two of my favorite verses, because so much of the Christian life and the character of God is told in those two simple sentences--and although I love the verses and the concepts, and I believe them, when push comes to shove, do I apply them? When a situation comes up where I feel lost, do I trust in the Lord with all my heart, or do I first lean on my own understanding and exhaust every other method before I come to God? And when God tells me to do something, or tells me something will be so, and to prepare, do I submit to Him in all my ways and LET Him direct my path, or do I wrestle back and forth with Him, trying to make the situation work on my terms?
Do I truly trust that He has every detail of my life already worked out, do I trust that He KNOWS me, and knows what the best for me will be, and simply follow Him, like a sheep following a shepherd, just knowing that He will bring me into the best future possible for me?
I am growing in the process, of not second guessing the Lord, or bargaining with Him, or trying to fix and figure things out on my own, and it's quite a journey, but the further along I go, the more control I let go of, the less I try to worry and scheme on my own, the more I realize that I never had anything to worry about in the first place.
Of course God has the best for me! His every action is love motivated, because He IS love, and He loves me more than I could begin to fathom. The more I ponder who He is, and his unchangeable nature and incredible character, the more I wonder how I could have doubted in the first place. He is all knowing, he knows every possible scenario, and He knows how to guide me through each one. He knows which people he's going to bring into my life, the places He's going to lead me, the future He's going to give me. He is all powerful, so He can make anything come to pass. I marvel at how often I doubt His ability to change my heart or my situation, when with mere words he created the entirety of the reality we know and live in today. He breathed galaxies to life, of course He can give me peace when I need, of course he can soften and change my heart, of course his love can melt a heart of stone. The things we view as impossible are not even child's play to God. God is pure goodness and pure love, there is no way He would have a bleak future planned, because no matter what situation we're in, He gives us the strength and love and motivation to thrive within it.
When I ponder the nature of God, all that He is, and all that He has promised, my only response can be thankfulness and trust. He is the Being that created this universe, and He is wise, loving, knowing, and incredibly powerful, not limited in any way, and He chooses to direct my tiny life, to give me direction and comfort and peace every day. Now if that doesn't motivate absolute trust, I don't know what does.
Trust in Him you guys! He can and will bring you through anything!
Love and kisses,
Victoria
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