We Fight Not Against Men...

Okay...it seems that lately, all I'm doing is apologizing for not posting for so long, and I'm sorry again...it's just been one of those crazy months where extra time isn't easy to get at, and I can't find my camera transfer USB cord, so all the pretty summer pictures I've been taking I can't show you guys!




Hmmph. Depressing.




I suppose I have to resign to my fate as a few and far between blogger, I can now see how hard it is to fit the time in, which is unfortunate. I promise I will post more when fall gets here, when the craziness is done.




I know it's not fair too you guys, and I am so sorry :( I'm really gonna try to post more often, so could you guys hang with me? This is a weird time in my life, and I'm trying to figure out alot of stuff, so if I'm going a bit AWOL--I'm totally not abandoning you guys! :)









I've been trying to figure out who I am...and that's not easy stuff for a girl to handle. On one hand, I'm thirteen, I feel pretty close to being a adult, but in so many ways, I'm still a kid. I'd rather play then work, I love to daydream and dance to music, and just be silly like that. But I can't afford to be like that much longer. How do you get a growth spurt on something like growing up? How do i get from being silly and just whatever, do being serious and dedicated and mature and all that stuff. A career, and college life, all that stuff seems so far away. But I know that's no excuse. I need to prepare for all that and grow up...but how? I feel like such a loser for having a problem like, most homeschoolers I know are so out there and so prepared and know what they are doing with their life's. How come I can't be like that?


Why is it harder for me to be focused, to not get distracted and procrastinate?


Plus lately it seems like two parts of me have been warring the part of me that knows what I SHOULD be doing, and another just wants to do whatever, and is concerned with stupid stuff. I know I can't get where I want to go without hard work, but where do I really want to go?


I know I must sound like a spongy flob but I believe I should be totally honest in my blog.


I mean who wants to read a blog about a perfect person who has it all together? I know I have flaws, and I am perfectly ready to admit them too you guys.





It's weird with me. The reason I' kinda a flob in the growing up and stuff department, is for the longest time improving what I looked like was the most important thing to me. And everything else kinda fell by the wayside. I know that's not the right way to think like that, but that's just how it was for a long while, and I'm not gonna lie and say it isn't still impacting me today, even if it shouldn't.
I don't know what my mental block is, and why my appearance and self esteem and stuff seems to hold so much of my attention and focus, but it does, and I know it shouldn't.
When I think about it and talk about it, it just happens subconsciously. But I seriously do need to get a grip on it. I want my better side to win, my hardworking, dependable, focused and mature side, but it seems lately that my will is anything but strong, and my flesh is so weak.

So that's basically why I haven't been posting as much, just wrestling with alot of stuff inside, plus all the regular in and outs in life. I would appreciate some prayer...because I really do want my good side to win, and hopefully. With God's help, it will!!
As far as posting goes, I'm going to be doing smaller posts more often...can't really write novels everyday...but little tidbits I can give you guys :)
Sound good?
Sorry about going all crazy on you guys...but at least now you know why! :)
Love you guys!
Victoria

Trust

Hey girls...has it ever been a roller coaster of a day...and a week, now that I come to think of it. Filled with school, and a bunch of other stuff, it's been pretty action packed here!!

Anyways, I had something different on my mind when I set out to write this post.The topic at hand--doubt.
I seem to be doing alot of that lately, and it's something that's really getting me. I think I kinda have a trust issue...I always get so scared that I'm going to be let down when i make plans.. Take my skin as an example I worry, what if it's just a issue, what if it won't go away?
It even works that way in relationships too, I just have spells where I doubt and worry, and I really hate it I know it takes trust in God to get rid of doubt...but how do I do that? How do I trust in God? I want to, I want to just ignore my problems and trust. But again there's that nagging whisper in my ear..."problems won't go away if you just ignore them...what will trusting do? You have to take action!!" so that's when i do stupid things like pop pimples, text my friends non-stop because I need to know that they love me, or freak out for no reason at all. It's like my common sense has no defense against these attacks, it just backs down and let's doubt take control...I won't to stop that pattern...but how?
Just by trusting God? Can it really be that simple? I know inside my heart that God is the only one with true wisdom, and He has a plan for my life, and he does better then I do. I know that deep inside. So why is it so difficult to live it out?
But I just worry and worry till I get all stressed out
It creates a feeling of not being in control, an my human nature just hates that.
It wants to be in charge, it wants to know all the answers, it wants to know the end of the story. I know I should try hard to suppress that nature...it's just super difficult, I suppose.
I know my problems may not immediantly go away...but in the long run, I will have benifitted from trusting God this unfortunatlly, I'm very much a short term person--I like to see results--fast!! But I know that's not how real life works, with anything, including trusting God.
So that's my challenge..and really it should be all of our challenge, to trust God, no matter what the circumstances. Even if it takes forever and is really difficult.
Because if we can't have trust in our Creator, who can we have trust in? Nobody.
So I will trust in Him...and so should you!!
That's my little note for today..have a great week girlies!
Love,
Victoria :)
All my love, and God's blessings, Victoria <3