I have a dream..

The immortal words of Martin Luther King,but, hesitantly and oh so tentatively..maybe my own as well. The thought has come to me before..what do i want to do with my life? Oh, I've had many ideas as a child, an artist, a pediitrician, a veternarian, a dog trainer, a professional horse show jumper, a journalist, a freelance writer, a missionary...but none of them have really seemed FIT. You know? Like the career was just made for me, and I for the career.
I began to wonder whether there IS a career just for me, that will suit my needs and wants perfectly. Most likely, I think with a rather pessimistic point of view, I'll have to not bother with all this romantic nonsense and just find a decent job.
But deep inside I know that a career is so much more then just a JOB. It's you.
What is the first thing an adult asks another adult?
That's right. "What do you do? What is your career? Where do you work?"
What is another thing that all adults ask budding highschool students? "What do you pan on being? What do you want to do with your life?"
I'm tired of not having an answer.
I know I want to do something important with my life. I want it to matter to people. I don't want to be one of those people who when having died, no one really notices there gone.
I knwo I want to help people, and I know I want to do something where I am intellectually stimulated. The worst job in the world to me would be just sitting in some cubicle all day long, answering phone calls for an insurance company or something. That sounds like the most boring job ever.
I want to be able to interact with people, to make their lives better,to be able to help them.
"That's easy," people say when they hear that, "Become a teacher or a Doctor!"
Well. I can't say I haven't considerd being either one. But a Doctor? That involves surgeries and blood and internal organs. I'm pretty good with people in emergencies, but I'm not sure I could handle inside-the-body stuff. Outside, maybe. But inside? I...don't think so.
A teacher? I'm not sure I could do it. Teachers have a hard job, trying to make a bunch of kids care about stuff that most of them don't care about, they have to have pretty much eternal patience and god people skills ALL the time. I just don't think I could handle being with a classroom of kids all year long, everyday with practically no breaks. It's a hard job.
I mean, I like kids...to some extent. But even with babysitting, after my job is over, I find myself breathing a sigh of relief. It is HARD to entertain those little guys for even three hours..much less all day!!
I think I would go nutso if I became a teacher.


One idea...more of a little dream then anything else, is maybe...a dermatologist. What first made that impression on me is hearing what they do and stuff.They make people feel like people's acne isn't disgusting, simply a rather hard puzzle, that the dermatologist and the patient has to work on to solve. They give people hope that their skin will be clear.
Also, just beyond the emotional stuff, I also spend a ridiculous amount of time researching skin conditions and ways to treat them. I find it fasinating that there are so many differnt ideas out there about acne and skin problems, some of them are true, some of them just simply impossible, or just plain old disgusting. Did you know I actually read in one discussion about what differnt people actually use for there acne, that one person actually suggests using a wet baby's diaper as a cure? Isn't that disgusting? How could anyone possibly think it would be ok to put urine on their face?!
I would be great to clearup that mystery for other people so they don't have ot go through what I did, trying to find something that works.
But mainly, I would maybe like to become a dermatologist because I want to help other teenagers and adults who have had the same skin problems I have had. I know how humiliating it can be. It can feel like the complete in of the world.
That's why I want to help,so other people don't have to go through what I did.


I have that little dream inside of me,but another part of me is scared. I don't feel smart enough to go to medical school, to become a doctor. It seems so huge, and really intimidating. What if I fail? What if I do all this work and don't make it into med school? What if I fail?
I know I'd need to work hard, and I'd have alot of time to figure it out, first college, then med school, but it's still scary.
So could you girls pray, for me and my little dream? About whether it's supposed to be in reality or not? I would love that :)
Have a GREAT rest of the week girls..and don't forget to comment! I love hearing from you guys.
Love,
Victoria

Hi

Hey, The post below this one went hay-wire and I had pictures and two other things...but it is too late to fix it now...I am tired. So sorry about that....please forgive me :)

Love, Victoria

That Tucked Away Little Wishlist :)

Isnt is pretty?
Anyway the touch screen is great, and I love the full keyboard, and its just an allover great phone :)
Item number three on the wishlist:
Mineral Makeup:



I've heard mineral makeup has great coverage and is really good for your skin, gives you an almost flawless look..and I think its definitely worth checking out!!
Item number four on the wishlist...
Outdoorsy Jeans and Khaki shorts:





I'm really sick of this whole really tight and really tight shorts trend...I just want SHORTS, loose and comfortable that I can go running around in the woods in!
Yes, I am still quite a tomboy..running around outside is one of my favorite things to do.
Besides, for girls like me, with a more muscular body type, rather than waif thin, these kinds of shorts are alot more comfortable and flattering. Trust me, I've seen bigger girls wearing super short shorts..and it is NOT flattering. Just because the models are wearing it doesnt mean its attractive for everybody, OR modest, by the way :) I'm definitely not one of those people who will say jeans are immodest, but I will say that those shorts are, and super tight jeans. They just are. I prefer to dress for practicality and comfort...which those jeans are!
Anyways :) Kind of an odd post, but hey I said from the beginning that this blog is going to be unique!
Those are the things I'm saving up for, with my job and and extra money I can get my hands on :)
Have a great saturday girls!! Live every moment for Christ!
Love,
AVictoria
All my love, and God's blessings, Victoria <3

Trust

Hey girls...has it ever been a roller coaster of a day...and a week, now that I come to think of it. Filled with school, and a bunch of other stuff, it's been pretty action packed here!!

Anyways, I had something different on my mind when I set out to write this post.The topic at hand--doubt.
I seem to be doing alot of that lately, and it's something that's really getting me. I think I kinda have a trust issue...I always get so scared that I'm going to be let down when i make plans.. Take my skin as an example I worry, what if it's just a issue, what if it won't go away?
It even works that way in relationships too, I just have spells where I doubt and worry, and I really hate it I know it takes trust in God to get rid of doubt...but how do I do that? How do I trust in God? I want to, I want to just ignore my problems and trust. But again there's that nagging whisper in my ear..."problems won't go away if you just ignore them...what will trusting do? You have to take action!!" so that's when i do stupid things like pop pimples, text my friends non-stop because I need to know that they love me, or freak out for no reason at all. It's like my common sense has no defense against these attacks, it just backs down and let's doubt take control...I won't to stop that pattern...but how?
Just by trusting God? Can it really be that simple? I know inside my heart that God is the only one with true wisdom, and He has a plan for my life, and he does better then I do. I know that deep inside. So why is it so difficult to live it out?
But I just worry and worry till I get all stressed out
It creates a feeling of not being in control, an my human nature just hates that.
It wants to be in charge, it wants to know all the answers, it wants to know the end of the story. I know I should try hard to suppress that nature...it's just super difficult, I suppose.
I know my problems may not immediantly go away...but in the long run, I will have benifitted from trusting God this unfortunatlly, I'm very much a short term person--I like to see results--fast!! But I know that's not how real life works, with anything, including trusting God.
So that's my challenge..and really it should be all of our challenge, to trust God, no matter what the circumstances. Even if it takes forever and is really difficult.
Because if we can't have trust in our Creator, who can we have trust in? Nobody.
So I will trust in Him...and so should you!!
That's my little note for today..have a great week girlies!
Love,
Victoria :)
All my love, and God's blessings, Victoria <3

Could it be magic?

So. Another update on my wild road to clear skin...and my goodness has it been wild, and extremely emotional. This past week especially so. I have never broken down so many times about my skin before, EVER. I felt like crying all the time, my poor paretns must have thought I was crazy.
It was like I had completely hit rock bottom and despair, and I was just crying out to God and begging him to somehow, some way, make it better.
Then. It actually did. I was looking at some old pictures, like from last spring, and noticed how, even when i was freaking out about my skin then, it really REALLY wasn't that bad. So. I am now trying to keep my skin super clear. Of course, I'm not back to my original clearness, but I am ALOT better then I was last week...so I am going to buy some new stuff and try it out....so I'll keep you guys posted!!
The products I am using right now is Clean and Clear face wash and Clean and Clear mostrizer.
So that's my little update :) I'll let you guys know how it's progressing!
Love,
Victoria

Hi guys! It's actually the 24th today, so this is kind of a post script or add on note to the post I did yesterday...I didn't really get a chance to elaborate on it, since I was a bit stressed at the time, so I'll do today :)
The stuff I need to buy i haven't yet, but the stuff i am using is a really awesome system, I've been using for about four/five days now, and I am MASSIVELY clear-er then I was last week. I have one pimple on my nose area, that has a head, but I dare not to pop it, so I'm kinda just waiting till it goes away, and a couple on my forehead and one or two on my cheek but that's pretty much it.
Basically, my only problem is my picking habit...I definately don't do that as much as I used too, I'm working on it, escpecially since picking doesn't get rid of the problem...new zitts just come up later to replace them. I haven't had any new big breakouts, just tiny ones that are really easy to cover up and go away in a day or two anyways.
My goal is to get back to looking like this:

This was me in March (I think) of last year...I don't think I have any make-up on...
And this:

In this one I had make-up on...But you can see the differnence. I don't know what I did to keep my skin so clear. True it did get a little worse in the summer...but mostly it looked like this:

Pink hair, odd pic I know, but i mostly just broke out on my chin and under my nose, VERY rarely on my forehead and cheeks.

My goal is too get back to that, of course it will take alot of time, but i am totally willing to be patient, now that I see maybe that will work for me. I only wish i had discovered it sooner.

Oh and don't think because my skin was clear back then that I was happy with myself. Nope.

I hated my teeth and I was in the process of losing weight and still am. SO I was a total basket case about that. I wish i could have appriecated my skin, but I didn't. Well, I'm on the road to recovery...and you guys are along for the ride! Fun. huh?

I'll keep ya'll posted!

Love (again),

Victoria

I

Random FPOTD!!!

Yep. FPOTD! (Favorite Pic Of The Day), reserved for those girlie bloggers out there who simply cannot write looooooooooooong novels everyday telling the highly awesome intrestingness of their lives!
So. My favorite pic today is a self portrait, and while, in a photographical sense, isn't too amazing, but I really think it captures the essence of ME.
Like I said, not too photographically awesome, but I love it cause it's so me. The cute hat, the huge smile, and happy smiling eyes.
It's me in the sense that I just love being free and joyful. I am a stylish kinda girl!! I know how to put an outfit together!! I will never be one of those girl who straighten their hair to perfection, or who wears a TON of make-up. I'm just me.
It's just me flaws and all, take me or leave me, because I don't intend on changing for anyone. Besides, I love this photo cause I think it shows the joy that God has given me. I love to laugh and smile. That's who I am, and I think this photo represents that :)

Well that's my news! Hope you guys have a super amazing Sunday!!
Love,
Victoria

Vacations sure are...SNAZZY!

So, In December I went to Florida and stayed down there a week for a church camp meeting I had a blast!! So. Here are my...vacation pictures!!! Sorry I can't get much in as far as actual TALKING...I've had a super stressful past few days and a few emotional breakdowns, and doing school, so I'd rather show you guys what my vacation was like :)

Yep. That's me and a cow....The pastor and his family let us stay in their partsnige (how ever you spell that.) So they were right next door and they had a cow named Honey. She is such a sweet cow.

Here is the St. Johns River..this is on Fleming Island. Really Beautiful!!

A very pretty palm tree!!!!

I thought this sailboat was neat looking Mom took that picture!!

water

I took this picture of a lamppost I thought it was neat looking!!!

The loooooong pier!!

From left to right: Me, Mom, Paw-paw and Grandma. There's the family looking so goshdarnit ggood lookin :)

pretty rocks

Me and Mom I was pretending like I was playing the piano.

Sorry there aren't tons of pictures...there is tons more but they are more for just family.....hope you guys enjoy!!

Love...

Victoria :P

A Day Like Honey And Butter

Because everybody knows that honey butter biscuits-- are totally awesome!! I just had some...and they were delicious :) But anyway, today has been pretty much like that. I had all the time in the world to do school and some of the other stuff I love to do--like blog!!
So here are my promised pictures!! My Mom took the sunset pictures.....isn't she a good photographer!!??

Yes, the famous sunset in my front yard.

I thought this picture was so cool!! I just LOVE sunsets!!!

This is one of the pretty sunset pictures!!!

This picture of me is odd I know!! But I was trying a new hair mask thing!! It made my hair totally smooth!!! I put honey,egg and rosemary in my hair!! And then washed it out if you want the recipe tell me in a comment!! I did the hair thing the other day or so....and the sunset pictures was a few days ago too!

So that is my day..more pictures coming soon!

Have an awesome day!

Love,

Victoria

Hey Ferb, I know what were going to do today...

Yeah, yeah I know that show is a cartoon on Disney and I am WAAAYYY to old for that, but honestly? It's totally hilarious. And Fish Hooks? I just love Milo and Bea!! But enough about cartoons. *raises eyebrows mysteryiously.* What have I been doing today? Well, Today nothing..later I might go get something to eat or go rabbit hunting. :)
Well, spring and summer will be here before we know it. Which means no make-up cause I like tans!! I hate feeling exposed like that every day, with thousands of people looking at me. I wish I could just have no make-up on and wear sweats and just do whatevs and feel fine. Ya know?
Argh. I wanted today to be a happy post....but honestly, I am really not feelin to awesome. i wish I had some pictures I could post...instead I posted a music video below. :)
I mean, two depressing post in a row would be *so lame* :P

Love,
Victoria

The Christmas Song - Owl City *with lyrics*

I love this song!!!!!

Heartbreak Rememberances

Hey girls...this little blogger is kinda odd today. :( Oh well, that gives me more time to sit here and write!
So. My topic today is not a very happy one, but it's pretty much all I can think about, and then when I do, I am shocked at myself.
You see, for years I have been the kinda girl for "the girl who doesn't need guys". And I really meant it too. I had had to many heartbreaks and had decided--enough. I'm not doing this anymore, guys just aren't worth it. So I was single for like forever.
But now...I kinda broke the cardinal rule of being a single independent girl....yeahhh I kinda fell in love.
Well, maybe not in LOVE, but like really liking a guy.
And now I'm scared that I'm going to lose him. I never really understood the feeling before, I always thought, "How could those girls be in such a train wreck over a guy? They need to move on!". But know that that feeling is happening to ME, when I really care about a guy, I understand how awful it is. I don't even know for sure, but it's still driving me crazy.
Now I finally understand what it feels like, and it doesn't feel good at all. I almost feel guilty, like I'm not supposed to let a guy mean this much to me.
It's all jumbled up inside. I like him so much, and it would hurt SO bad to lose him, but in the end, I know it doesn't matter. God is what truly matters and in the big picture, it doesn't matter if I lose a guy.
But that doesn't stop it from stinging now. It's so weird,I mean I'm 13,but I feel totally new to this guy\dating\heartbreak stuff. Before I couldn't care less about guys, I was a regular girl.
Guys were my friends, and that was it. Guys liked me, but I didn't really care. It was fun, but I never met a guy that captured my intrest.
Now I have. And I want him to be my boyfriend. That's where the fear comes in. What if he doesn't like me that way? What if he never asks me out? What if this is all in my head?
Yeah. So this inexperienced girlie is gonna have to figure it out I guess...how have you girls handeled guy problems? I'd like to hear stories, or advice, considering I know like zip.
I know, a weird blog post, but I can't really focus on anything else.
Geez, being a girl is super tough. What with our issues with our self esteem, PMS, and confusing guys, it's a pretty crazy and tough world out there...but I know we'll get through it.
I've got God, my family, and amazing friends that will help me get through any trial, so I've got to stay hopeful, and trust God no matter what.
So sorry for this slightly weird and depressing post, but a blogger needs to be honest with her readers. She can't just put on a happy face when things aren't going great, that would be lying to her readers, which I refuse to do.
So, I'm having a bit of a bad day today,but I'll get over it, and in the meantime, you guys have an awesome Friday!
Love,
Victoria

Sister to Sister :)

Hey girls! I'm just chillen here writing on my blog. Today was pretty crazy!! Dad was trying to get out of the driveway and slid and ran over 2 small trees!!! His truck is ok but the trees are demolished!!! I love snow!!! On a side note, I've been trying really hard to get over my self consciousness, at least over my skin, and the other day, it worked pretty okay. I mean, I definately felt different, but it didn't totally get me down because I felt pretty in other ways. My hair looked good and I liked the outfit I was wearing, so that helped some, besides, I just figured that I am never going to see any of these people ever again, so why do I care how they see me? The people, my family, friends, and this one awesome guy, all love me for me...so why should I care if I have a zit or two? Nobody's perfect. Life isn't Disney Channel. Not all girls have an unlimited wardrobe with perfect hair, perfect skin, fame, and a cute boy.
I have a great,loving, encouraging family, a God who loves me and friends who would take a bullet for me and I for them...what else do I need? I don't need the approval of the world anyway.
So that's my daily pick me up---for you guys AND me. I know not all girls struggle with skin issues like me, but all girls have SOMEthing they don't like about themselves, and I am here to tell you that in the end it DOESNT matter. I know that deep inside, but sometimes it's SO hard to bring it out,to really live it. I'll freely admit I've had meltdowns about my looks, I've freaked out about my skin, I've moaned over my flaws. But that doesn't mean that after I'm done freaking out, I can't pick myself up, and with God's help, try again to make it through. And so can you.
What are some of your insecurities? We girls are all together on this and we should be praying for each other about our fears and insecurities. If you don't want to leave it in a comment, message me!
We are sisters in Christ and we should pour out our hearts for each other, because that is how God's body WORKS. You know some of mine now...I would love to know some of yours, so I as your sister can pray for you ;)
Well, that's my little note for today :)
No pictures...those will come after this week.
Love you girls! Keep reading, commenting, and living for Christ!
Love,
Victoria

Hey girls!
Well it has been snowing here for 2 days so far!!! I love it!!! So, while that means me playing in the snow and throwing snowballs and all that jazz, it also means I can't really post for a week. But don't worry, I will take tons of pictures and the post afterwards will be worth the wait!
So, I just love the snow..the roads are icey and everything is white!!! Sooo exciting.
Oh and another note...I believe a sweet little blogger I'm pretty sure, commented on a post that I made a while back, and you were so sweet, I'm sorry I couldn't comment back! Blogger was being really weird and wouldn't let me, in no way did I not appreciate your comment :) in fact I LOVE comments so comment away my friends and tell me what you think of my posts and pictures!
So that's my little note for today...sorry there are no pictures I have been crazy busy today, with snow and Dad came back home today, it's been crazy busssyyy :)
So don't miss me too much girlies, I promise I'll be back!
All my love, and God's blessing, Victoria <3

Giveaway

Giveaway at: fashionandmodesty.blogspot.com her button is on the sidebar

Blue Wishes

Hey girls!
How are you guys this lovely Sunday afternoon? I can't say I'm feeling too peachy, but I hope you guys are feeling awesome :) I wanted too show you guys some pictures from my last babysitting job...I was literally snapping pictures half the time, the poor baby had no idea what was going on!
He was so cute though, and was literally happy playing with his toys. He had a blast!!
I was tired, but he was a good boy!!

My Mom was babysitting I was just help.....In this photo he was pressing his face against the window!!!LOL

He loved that little guitar......and sorry about the blurryness of it....that boy was constantly moving!!!

He was so cute!!!

But at the same time, of course, an adorable and rather sleepy baby :)

As far as life goes, there's not much news too report. I have a few bits of good news, it's supposed too snow 7 inches!!! :)

And now I have another poem too share with you guys. (I didn't write this.) I don't post them often,but i really like this one. :)

Hang on

It's a familar feeling,

The rollar coster is up to the top,

The second before it drops,

Everything inside my poised to fall with it,

Hair flying forward,

Voice ready to scream,

The gleam of the metal,

Holding me up,

Supporting,

Yet twisting turning,

Upside down,

Everywhere,

No control,

No time to do anything but

Hang on.

I see the rail,

But it doesn't register,

Until the twist finally happens,

Velocity incomprehensibile,

Can't control myself,

It's a primal world,

Where the fight to survive,

Still so wholly exists,

Can't put my hands in the air,

No thoughts,

But to hang on.

You are like my rollar coaster,

Turning my insides out,

Can't let the feelings out,

Their too busy,

Fighting zero gravity,

Wish I could relax,

Enough to let you catch me,

But the fear is ever there,

Makes me clutch that safety bar,

The ever dependance upon the independence,

the first thought in my mind

To hang on.

It's a delightful fear,

But fear it still is,

Tying my stomach in knots,

I can laugh it off,

And ignore it's there,

But if I ever see your face,

I'll be on top of that rollar coaster again,

Waiting,

For the moment when it all drops,

For good or bad,

It can't be stopped,

A force beyond my own self,

Dignity can't be salvaged,

When you are falling in different directions,

On a ride you can't stop or slow down,

Nothing to do,

Just hang on.

Time passes like,

A shooting gun,

Once fired it can't be undone,

Once you buckle in there's no turning back,

As the coaster rides on up,

Clicking and clanking,

To increase the feeling,

Curdiling in your stomach,

Is there joy at the end or sorrow,

Will I regret this move tomorrow?

Can't predict where the gun will fire,

Can't see the end of the race,

Before it's begun...

All these people and I see only one,

Haloed in the setting sun,

Don't know which direction to run,

Can only hang on.

What if in the middle,

Of the wild and insane confusion,

You grab my hand and become an anchor,

The whole world could turn over,

But I would have you,

Only a possibility,

But one that makes me,

Linger before the ride,

Unable to walk away,

Wishing I could have both,

The safety of the ground and the safety of you,

So terrifying,

Where will this go,

Are you forbidden,

Nobody knows,

A rollar coster no one can see,

A mystery hiding in dark melee,

Will curiousty get the best of me,

What one earth is meant for me,

God, show me which way I should flee,

In or out,

With you or away,

Can't bear to stay,

Or leave,

Just desperatley

Hang on.

I hope you guys like it!! Well, that's all for today...Have a wonderful day!

Love,

Victoria

Newness and Video!!!

HEYYY!! and I am super happy today because I have a new "feature"that is going to be added to my blog :) A video tutorial about skin care and what I am using and stuff :) I've been watching so many on youtube I thought it would be fun to make my own!! Enjoy!!!







I hope it worked!! I will be making more as I try new things to keep you guys posted on what works!! I know that skin care and acne issues is a huge deal to alot of girls, so I decided to show you guys what I'm using and how it's progressing in hopes of maybe helping you guys :)
love u girls!!
Victoria

Giveaway

Hi, Pastor Girl's pondering are having a giveaway for a cute necklace her button is on the sidebar

THANKS

SO first I would like to say thanks sooo much Hannah for my new blog design I LOVE IT!!!!!! I am still figuring out thhe signature so forgive me!!! BUT I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!! Tell me everyone if you like it!!