Heartbreak Rememberances

Hey girls...this little blogger is kinda odd today. :( Oh well, that gives me more time to sit here and write!
So. My topic today is not a very happy one, but it's pretty much all I can think about, and then when I do, I am shocked at myself.
You see, for years I have been the kinda girl for "the girl who doesn't need guys". And I really meant it too. I had had to many heartbreaks and had decided--enough. I'm not doing this anymore, guys just aren't worth it. So I was single for like forever.
But now...I kinda broke the cardinal rule of being a single independent girl....yeahhh I kinda fell in love.
Well, maybe not in LOVE, but like really liking a guy.
And now I'm scared that I'm going to lose him. I never really understood the feeling before, I always thought, "How could those girls be in such a train wreck over a guy? They need to move on!". But know that that feeling is happening to ME, when I really care about a guy, I understand how awful it is. I don't even know for sure, but it's still driving me crazy.
Now I finally understand what it feels like, and it doesn't feel good at all. I almost feel guilty, like I'm not supposed to let a guy mean this much to me.
It's all jumbled up inside. I like him so much, and it would hurt SO bad to lose him, but in the end, I know it doesn't matter. God is what truly matters and in the big picture, it doesn't matter if I lose a guy.
But that doesn't stop it from stinging now. It's so weird,I mean I'm 13,but I feel totally new to this guy\dating\heartbreak stuff. Before I couldn't care less about guys, I was a regular girl.
Guys were my friends, and that was it. Guys liked me, but I didn't really care. It was fun, but I never met a guy that captured my intrest.
Now I have. And I want him to be my boyfriend. That's where the fear comes in. What if he doesn't like me that way? What if he never asks me out? What if this is all in my head?
Yeah. So this inexperienced girlie is gonna have to figure it out I guess...how have you girls handeled guy problems? I'd like to hear stories, or advice, considering I know like zip.
I know, a weird blog post, but I can't really focus on anything else.
Geez, being a girl is super tough. What with our issues with our self esteem, PMS, and confusing guys, it's a pretty crazy and tough world out there...but I know we'll get through it.
I've got God, my family, and amazing friends that will help me get through any trial, so I've got to stay hopeful, and trust God no matter what.
So sorry for this slightly weird and depressing post, but a blogger needs to be honest with her readers. She can't just put on a happy face when things aren't going great, that would be lying to her readers, which I refuse to do.
So, I'm having a bit of a bad day today,but I'll get over it, and in the meantime, you guys have an awesome Friday!
Love,
Victoria